Facebook Status Updates

If you have the Facebook application on your Blackberry – or are lucky enough to NOT have your company block it, I think it is safe to say that reading 893 of your “closest” friends update’s creates a nice break from the daily grind. With that being said, the following is R’s (another faithful contributer to the cubicle farm) guide to not annoying the bejesus out of me or, worse, getting yourself HIDDEN.

1. Updating every little thing you do throughout the day: “Just got back from the bathroom, had to go for two rounds of paper towel. Man my hands were soapy!” Ridiculous.

2. Love overload: Yes- Your husband is totally rad, that's awesome you can’t wait to marry your fiancé in 342 days and your boyfriend is cute. That is why you are dating each other! I understand that this may make me sound bitter betty but I’m not – I have a boyfriend and his dimples are to DIE for…

3. Political messages: I appreciate your opinions but if you are so heated – go out and volunteer or write your local representatives. Changing your facebook photo in protest or sending me a green plant will not work.

4. Don’t refer to people as your besties, favs or tell me you had the most awesome weekend ever: If it was so epic – give me a highlight to judge for myself

5. Go team!!!!!! If you are lucky enough to have tickets to a clutch sporting event…ENJOY! Drink a few beers, wave your rally towel and engage in some debauchery only condoned at a sporting event. But please don’t update your status every 2 seconds. Leave the clever catch phrase thoughts to us losers sitting on the couch who didn't sell off our first born or refinance our house to be at that game.

6. I love you dad: Unless your parents are actually on Facebook, don’t wish them a happy birthday or 25th wedding anniversary. Here’s a hint – THEY CAN’T READ IT AND I COULD CARE LESS.

And finally, lucky #7….
7. Work generally sucks, for everyone: Don’t complain! Spend your time scouring youtube for a funny video to amuse me instead. Just don't start a blog to make your job less-soul crushing, that's what I did. Be a leader, not a follower!